Loss

I do not deal well with loss. I don't like to think about it and when the situation arises I find myself turning into a different person. I turn into someone who is super sensitive, very productive, and overly sympathetic. Which is my state today!

My Aunt was diagnosed with cancer all over her little body just over a month and a half ago, and today, as I type... She is loosing her battle with that cancer. She isn't expected to live more than 24 more hours. I went and saw her last night and we knew that it wouldn't be long. She is hurting all over and it makes me, more than ever, wish I could so something to help find a cure for cancer. Cancer is something that is affecting my family so, so often and is slowly taking members of my family away. This all was so fast for my Aunt.. It feels as though she just found out. I find myself not being able to go to the hospital right now for two reasons. One, no baby sitter, and two I cant stop looking at her son(my cousin) and putting myself in his position and thinking about my children seeing me this way before I pass. It just crumbles me to think about that. I can't even imagine what he is thinking or feeling. And then I think.. what am I going to do when I lose a parent? This is all a bit overwhelming to me and when I am overwhelmed, I write.

Here is a picture of her at my bridal shower! :) She's the one standing!



I love my Aunt and her memory will forever be etched in my heart for so many reasons. I thank God for her and all she has done for me thruought my life. I hope she goes knowing she was very loved and will be so so so very missed!