Missing Edison

Today I was working at MDO which I do every Monday and Wednesday.. I love it! :) But, I haven't really been away from Edison at all these past 7 weeks and today it really hit me how much I don't want to be away from him at all. I have these feelings with Eden as well. There are days I miss her so much while she is at school.. but it's different because she has to be there. I make the choice to work and be away from Edison and that makes me so sad. I really wish I didn't have to work. I sob over missing a smile, or not getting to feed him every oz he eats during the day. And yes. I even miss changing his diaper. That is when I get some of the best smiles and coo's from him! :( As he lays here in my lap I can't help but wonder if he knows how much he has changed me as a mother over the past 7 weeks? I know he doesn't, but I do know he loves me and needs me and that's a warming feeling. I pray each day that God provides for us to allow me to stay home.. because I know I will never get these moments back from when he's so tiny and amazing.

Last Week of April.. WOW

I really can't believe that when I was pregnant for 9 months it went by so so slow.. but.. now that Edison Jack is here.. TIME IS FLYING BY! He is already 7 weeks old TODAY! AHH! I am really trying to cherish these days right now. He is growing so very fast and it really does makes me cry! To think that I wont be having any more babies and get to experience this ever again. Just heartbreaking! A part of me says, why not have anymore kids? And the practical side of me says NOOOO! The thought of sending 2 kids to college, getting them cars, and providing for them for roughly 18 years +.. well that is rather scary now! So adding to that would only further add to my fears, but God only gives us what he knows we can handle and that thought makes me think!

Edison is doing great. He is so interactive at this point. Wayne or I can talk to him and he smiles and coo's! He is also finding his hands and able to stare at toys and try to grab them. Amazing! I love seeing him do this because he gets to focused that he gets cross eyed.. poor guy.. but very funny! He also is having formula and breast feeding. I just couldn't make enough milk despite my ongoing efforts! But.. he has about half and half each day and I am ok with that. I initially wanted to only breast feed, but it just didn't work out that way and instead of beating myself up for it.. I am focusing on how healthy and happy my son is! He was 8 lbs 9oz when he was born.. He is now 12lbs roughly! WOW! Can we say chunk? He is eating about 4 to 5 oz every 3 to 4 hours.. sometimes every 2 hours. And that tends to happen when it gets close to bed time. I think he is stocking up! LOL! Also.. he is sleeping so well at night. He goes to bed about 10.. wakes up around 3 to eat.. and then gets up with us about 6:30! I couldn't be happier about his sleeping habits at almost 2 months! :)

My c-section recovery is going well.. still hurting a lot when I do too much and am starting to cramp more! But other than that.. recovery has been awesome! You know, this is my 2nd child with my husband and never ever thought I could love him more than I did the day before.. but I do. I love him for how he is with his daughter, and love him more and more seeing him with his son! There is just something magical about a man and his son and that bond! :) I love you Wayne Hanks! <3

Labor and Delivery of Edison Jack Hanks 3/8/11

So.. after being given an original due date of 2/26/11 by Monday the 7th of March I was MORE than ready to have this baby. I went to a Dr.'s appointment on that day and Dr. Long told me.. Ok.. lets have a baby! :) So we scheduled for my induction for the next day the 8th! I was beyond excited and nervous all at the same time. We spent the rest of that day cleaning and preparing for his arrival! We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am so Eden spent the night with my Mom and Dad. It was very bittersweet for me because I knew this was the last night Eden would be an only child! I really felt for her, but knew that she was old enough to handle this big change!

Wayne and I got up at 4am and OH was that horrible since I couldn't sleep a wink. I mean, who can sleep the night before they have a baby?? :) We left at 5am and headed to the Medical Center in Port Arthur to have our son! When we arrived there was NO ONE there and the main door were still locked so we had to go in the emergency room. We checked in and the lady asked, "oh your here for a c-section?" HA, Little did we know we were! :( But, we headed up to the 3rd floor and our nurse brought us to our L&D room! After I changed into my beautiful gown, they got my IV started, got me to sign tons of papers, and started my pitocin! By the way.. I hate that stuff! HA! The first few hours weren't bad at all. I was contracting every 2 to 3 minutes.. I felt them.. but they didn't hurt! Dr. Long came in at around 8ish and checked me. I was a 2 and 80% effaced! He told them to kick the pitocin up and he would see me in a few hours. Well.. boy did the contractions kick up too. For the next 2 hours.. my contractions were the same length apart, they just "kinda" hurt! LOL But I was still determined that I wasn't getting in epidural and was going to do this! At 10:15 Dr. Long came in again. At this point when I was contracting Edison's heart rate would go down significantly and he wasn't dropping or descending into my pelvis at all. He was still floating in my belly! When Dr. Long checked me I was at a 4 and still 80% effaced! He then breaks my water and says that because of his heart rate dropping he wanted to break my water to speed things up and try to get Edison to drop. On a side note.. my whole pregnancy Edison was face up instead of face down (Eden was as well when I was pregnant with her) and Dr. Long was sure he would turn before delivery(Eden did)! He still hadn't turned! After he broke my water, I was really starting to have strong strong contractions. Also, I was having to turn from side to side and then on my back over and over each contraction to try to get his heart rate to regulate and that was making my heartburn so so bad. Well.. I thew up! Horrible! Nothing like throwing up and having a contraction at the same time! :( By this point.. around 1 or 2ish.. I had been having HARD contractions for several hours that were very intense and with Edison having lots of heart rate drops I was sure I was almost fully dilated at this point. The nurse checked me and I was still the same! Really? :( All through the day the charge nurse would come in with my nurse because of his heart rate and they repeatedly told me that they didn't know if this would end in a vaginal birth but it was Dr. Long's call! Great! At 3, Dr. Long came in.. I was a 5 and fully effaced! He still hadn't dropped and he then talked to me about a c-section but said he would try to get him to turn once I was 10cm!

I at this point was crying I was in so much pain and couldn't handle the contractions. I got an epidural from the rudest anesthesiologist I have ever meet.. but hey.. he gave me pain relief so I forgive him! Even after the epidural I wasn't able to relax. I keep having to turn from side to side and that is so hard with numb legs. I was very worried about the baby! All I wanted to do was deliver him safely and help him be ok and I felt like I couldn't do that! Wayne was right beside me this whole time. I knew he was worried but wasn't telling me! At around 5:45 Dr. Long came in again and checked me. I was fully dilated and was ready to try to push. With each contraction I would push, and Dr. Long would try to turn Edison to face down. I think I pushed about 5 times and he says honey.. Im sorry.. I can't turn him. Because of the heart rate and that he isn't face down.. We are going to do a c-section! I lost it! He knew how afraid I was of that and you could tell he really felt for me! I cried and cried and started to panic. It was like the whole world came into my room after that. The stopped the pitocin, got me to drink the awful stuff to neutralize the acid in my tummy(I thew it up immediately), gave Wayne his scrubs to put on, and we waited. At about 6:15 they said, Let's go have a baby! I was crying non stop. I didn't know what to expect and I hated that Wayne couldn't go with me at first.

When they got me into the OR the moved me over to the other bed and immediately I started to panic inside. They had me in the worst position. My head was lowered and my belly was raised up, I felt like I couldn't breath. They then started putting all that stuff on my belly and strapping my arms down... horrible! Finally the curtain went up where I couldn't see and that was the last straw for me! I started telling the anesthesiologist I couldn't breath and that I hated being in this position.. what could he do to help? He basically said nothing and to calm down. Once Dr. Long and Wayne came in I was sure I was about to die. LOL.. Dr. Long tried to talk to me but the anesthesiologist told him to just start and talk later.. RUDE! Wayne was laughing(what he does when he is nervous) and even he couldn't calm me down! I felt Dr. Long cut me.. it didn't hurt.. I just felt my belly open up.. weird! The whole 4 minutes I talk and talk and tried to get people to understand how I felt.. but no one really cared about me.. their focus was getting the baby out safely and quick, which I understand now! LOL! Finally.. I felt what everyone says.. lots of tugging and pulling and then it felt like a weight was lifted and Edison was born at 6:42! Everyone was saying Ohh he's huge and I started crying realizing that this was close to being over. The nurse walked by me with Edison and he was so cute and then.. I was out! The anesthesiologist knocked me out because I was freaking out so much. I don't blame him.. I know I was annoying! When I woke up, I was in recovery with the nurse. Wayne came in and started showing me pictures of our miracle since I really hadn't seen him yet! He was precious!

After 12 hours of labor, my stubborn little boy was born on 3/8/11 at 6:42pm! He was 8lbs 9oz, 20 1/2 inches long! He was perfect! My Labor and Delivery was nothing like I ever expected it to be or wanted, but ultimately he came into this world safely and healthy and that's really all I had prayed for! I love him so much and am so thankful for this little wonder!